


Technoblade Beats Up God

by CloudDuskUwU (orphan_account)



Series: Techno vs. God [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:02:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27204232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/CloudDuskUwU
Summary: Technoblade wakes up on a blanket of clouds, his cape torn and tattered behind him. His crown is clenched in hand, stained with scarlet. A large scar traces his neck, and a strange figure looks down upon him."Technoblade, it's time to choose where you'll be remaining for the whole if your afterlife."
Series: Techno vs. God [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1986352
Comments: 6
Kudos: 158





	Technoblade Beats Up God

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of based off of when Technoblade said 'when god sends me to hell, I want him to hesitate.'

His head throbbed, and his mind felt foggy. The air was thick, with swathes of mist clinging to his skin so much so that he could feel it. Peeling open his eyes, he saw his cloak fluttering out from above him, twisted around to his front and choking him slightly. It was tattered, torched, ripped. In his hand was his crown, which still gleamed beautifully, yet was dripping scarlet onto his fingers. Coughing, he lifted himself up, placed his crown on his head, and adjusted his cloak.

There had been a sword through his stomach, he knew. He and Dream had been fighting again, and some stupid admin decided to turn on permadeath at that same moment. Instinctually, he placed a fist as if he was about to pull a sword out of his stomach. But there was nothing there. The only evidence was a rip in his shirt and a shining white scar, blinding against his pink skin.

"Technoblade." A gruff voice spoke, and his gaze flickered over toward a figure in a white toga. "It's time for you to be judged. You'll be sent to an afterlife today."

The figure seemed glum, offhandedly giving a second statement. "It's strange seeing you here. Never thought you'd die."

He drew a shallow breath, gagging on it slightly. It really had happened. His blood had truly spilled. His eyes had truly closed for a final time. For a moment, he dry-heaved on the floor.

The figure looked at him with some scrutiny, unimpressed. He panted for a moment before looking up at him, voice a low monotone. "Who are you?

Flashing him a rueful grin, the figure chuckled. "I'm God, and we're leaving now.

'God' roughly took one of his arms, and his vision blurred. For a moment, he felt weightless, before he felt a pit in his stomach and crashed onto a hard concrete floor. It was darker, chilling and yet he could see small puddled of lava, which he carefully stepped to avoid. His left hand became lax at his side, and he stifled a smirk as he felt the familiar weight of his sword at his side.

"This is the evaluation sector." God pointed at a massive stone wall, with three crevices in side. One held no people, with a 'PVP Against God' sign above it, the second was moving very slowly, with a sign saying 'Archangel's Judgment,' and a third moving quickly that said 'Trivia's Justice.' The deity waved a hand at the selection. "Go on, get in line."

Confidently, he walked into the PVP Against God line, getting many strange looks from those in the second group. God had a shit eating grin. He walked through to a massive arena, splattered with blood.

Letting a smirk cross his lips for a moment, he adjusted his mask to hide it, walking through a small iron gate. It was rusted, looking as if it hadn't been used for a good fee centuries. A few swords were scattered haphazardly in a chest, all sharpness enchanted Iron, one dull, enchantment-less diamond. He walked out with none. God's grin grew gleefully.

God snapped his fingers, those once in line appearing in the stands. They seemed to already get the gist of what was happening, giving him pitiful glances.

The deity pulled out a netherite blade, which glowed more blue than usual netherite. It had a 32k enchant. This would be fun.

An announcer sat in a booth, and plugged in a microphone. "A duel between God with a 32k enchant netherite sword," his suspicions were confirmed, "and a pig-hybrid with... nothing? I'll be commentating on this, even though the result is obvious, and we know that little piggy will end up in the ninth circle."

Cheers erupted from the crowd, which he ignored.

"Fighters ready? Start!"

Technoblade ducked under God's initial swing, hopping slightly as he tried to swipe his feet out from under him at the same time. He tiptoed around a wilder slash that had more weight behind it, and caught the left jab that followed.

The sword was coming back toward him, but he didn't care. He just smirked.

Audience members gasped as the sword swept and what should have cut off his head only made his avatar fizzle and buzz. God's blood ran cold.

"You're too predictable, too weak. I could beat you in moments." He mused, pulling out his sword. "I'll spare you the pity of that."

In one movement so quick no-one could even see it, God's head was rolling on the floor and his sword was sheathed. An aura of red surrounded him, and his eyes glinted crimson.

"He never had a chance to hesitate against the god of blood. How sad." His tone was bored, and then he vanished, leaving the audience shocked. Alongside this, the 32k was gone, and God's body had been defaced, toga torn, body bruised and smashed, and his confident look was wiped off of his unmoving, dead face. Ironic.

Technoblade sheathed the second blade at his hip, smiling. "I'm glad to have it back. Some puny wannabe could never be a god. I've been one since the beginning." He wandered off. "Wonder what Dream would think."


End file.
